Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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