idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to calm my uterus...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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