): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
