I'm so fucking centered right now
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She bit a glass in half.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
