were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
