Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Thereโs so much sex at the hospital Iโm beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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