Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
id be glad to
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
