it was like eating out sand paper
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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