No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
