my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
