god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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