PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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