i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
