Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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