His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
