I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
