I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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