For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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