honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize