she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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