Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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