Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
