so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize