I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
