Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We left the knife in your bed.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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