so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
