why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
