I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
