I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
