Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
try to milk me bitch
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
