this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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