How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
