is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
