I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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