When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
