I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize