We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
