laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
