I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
