You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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