i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
