I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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