I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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