At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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