3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
