If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
