it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
