i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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