brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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