Christians are straight up FREAKS
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
