Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
