There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
