So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
