Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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