Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
