Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
