I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
