No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize