lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
