Everything about him screamed your future.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
