yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
