At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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